Reality Check

The cursor was flashing.  I slowly entered my credit card information, as I dreamed of selling my baked goodies from coffee shop to coffee shop; restaurant to restaurant; then of opening up a brick and mortar.  But my chest heaved and I groaned as I saw the grand total of the charge:  $177.78.  All for a hosting on Bluehost.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a reasonable price to pay per month, only $4.95.  But when it’s all lumped together like that it’s enough to give me a heart attack. Especially when I’m living paycheck to paycheck with student loans eating a good chunk of my expenses.

That purchase took place on Sunday.  By Tuesday morning I started having a minor panic attack.  How the hell am I supposed to save money to move out, pay my student loans, and start a decent savings account if I go ahead with this venture?  What if I spend all this money on licenses and commercial kitchen space and this whole venture doesn’t work out?  That’s potentially hundreds, if not a couple of thousand dollars, wasted.  Initially, I thought I was being a quitter, or that I was allowing fear to keep me from pursuing this dream.  But then I had an epiphany.

First: something about this venture didn’t feel right.  It felt…manic.  It also felt like I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  And then it hit me: I jumped on this opportunity as a means of escaping law.  Not because I don’t want to be a lawyer but because deep down, I am afraid that even when I do pass the bar, I won’t find a job and/or I won’t be any good as a lawyer.  The world had been spinning manically for the last couple of weeks and it finally came to a lucid halt.  In that clarity, I found a couple of more reasons for not doing this: Time and money.

Financially, this venture doesn’t make any sense.  I don’t make all that much money.  I do not have a disposable income.  And student loans cost a pretty penny.  This is a particularly important topic to me considering that le Boyfriend is a finance guy (with his own fabulous personal finance blog).  In terms of time, I hardly have enough energy to go to the gym, take the pup for a walk, make dinner and shower right after work on a daily basis.  When the hell am I gonna bake?  From midnight to five am?  No way.  If I’m going to do this, I have to go all out, balls to the wall, diving in the deep end.  This is not possible if I’m working a regular nine to five.  And there’s no chance in hell that I would quit my current job with awesome co-workers and benefits, with room to grow in the organization.  Not in this economy, Bub.

This is not to say that I will never take on this challenge, dear reader.  I’m just putting it on hold for now until a more appropriate time comes.  And it’s not like I have to wait for someone to offer me this kind of an opportunity again.  I’ll simply have to go out and get it myself.  But I am definitely keeping my contacts at local coffee shops so when the opportunity does arise again (and it will), I’ll be ready to go.

What does this mean for you?  This means I’m bringing the blog back to its original purpose: A way for me to share my tasty recipes with you!

Before I forget, I just want to say thanks for all your support.  Thanks for believing in my hare-brained idea and reading along.  And thanks for letting me come to my senses on my own terms.  In the meantime, I’m super stoked about sharing some new recipes with you really soon!

Until then, get the cake!